Leader鈥檚 Suicide Brings Attention to Men鈥檚 Rights Movement
A little-noticed suicide last year focused attention on the hard-lined fringe of the men's right movement. It's not a pretty picture.
After 10 years of custody battles, court-ordered counseling and imminent imprisonment for non-payment of child support, Thomas James Ball, a leader of the Worcester branch of the Massachusetts-based Fatherhood Coalition, had reached his limit. On June 15, 2011, he doused himself with gasoline and set himself on fire just outside the Cheshire County, N.H., Courthouse. He was dead within minutes.
In a lengthy 鈥淟ast Statement,鈥 which arrived posthumously at the Keene Sentinel, Tom Ball told his story. All he had done, he said, was smack his 4-year-old daughter and bloody her mouth after she licked his hand as he was putting her to bed. Feminist-crafted anti-domestic violence legislation did the rest. 鈥淭wenty-five years ago,鈥 he wrote, 鈥渢he federal government declared war on men. It is time to see how committed they are to their cause. It is time, boys, to give them a taste of war.鈥 Calling for all-out insurrection, he offered tips on making Molotov cocktails and urged his readers to use them against courthouses and police stations. 鈥淭here will be some casualties in this war,鈥 he predicted. 鈥淪ome killed, some wounded, some captured. Some of them will be theirs. Some of the casualties will be ours.鈥
For people who associate the men鈥檚 and fathers鈥 rights movements with New Age drum circles in the woods, the ferocity of Ball鈥檚 rhetoric, the horror of his act, and, in particular, the widespread and blatantly misogynistic reaction to it may come as something of a revelation. When the feminist Amanda Marcotte, a b锚te noire of the men鈥檚 rights movement, remarked that 鈥渟etting yourself on fire is an extremely effective tool if your goal is to make your ex-wife鈥檚 life a living hell,鈥 a poster at the blog Misandry.com went ballistic. 鈥淭alk about the pot calling the kettle black,鈥 he raged. 鈥淪he is evil and such a vile evil that she is a disease that needs to be cut out of the human [consciousness] just like the rest of the femanazi ass harpies.鈥
Ball鈥檚 suicide brought attention to an underworld of misogynists, woman-haters whose fury goes well beyond criticism of the family court system, domestic violence laws, and false rape accusations. There are literally hundreds of websites, blogs and forums devoted to attacking virtually all women (or, at least, Westernized ones) 鈥 the so-called 鈥渕anosphere,鈥 which now also includes a tribute page for Tom Ball (鈥淗e Died For Our Children鈥). While some of them voice legitimate and sometimes disturbing complaints about the treatment of men, what is most remarkable is the misogynistic tone that pervades so many. Women are routinely maligned as s----, gold-diggers, temptresses and worse; overly sympathetic men are dubbed 鈥渕anginas鈥; and police and other officials are called their armed enablers. Even Ball 鈥 who did not directly blame his ex-wife for his troubles, but instead depicted her and their three children as co-victims of the authorities 鈥 vilified 鈥渕an-hating feminists鈥 as evil destroyers of all that is good.
This kind of woman-hatred is increasingly visible in most Western societies, and it tends to be allied with other anti-modern emotions 鈥 opposition to same-sex marriage, to non-Christian immigration, to women in the workplace, and even, in some cases, to the advancement of African Americans. Just a few weeks after Ball鈥檚 death, while scorch marks were still visible on the sidewalk in Keene, N.H., that was made clear once more by a Norwegian named Anders Behring Breivik.
On July 22, Breivik slaughtered 77 of his countrymen, most of them teenagers, in Oslo and at a summer camp on the island of Ut酶ya, because he thought they or their parents were the kinds of 鈥減olitically correct鈥 liberals who were enabling Muslim immigration. But Breivik was almost as voluble on the subjects of feminism, the family, and fathers鈥 rights as he was on Islam. 鈥淭he most direct threat to the family is 鈥榙ivorce on demand,鈥欌 he wrote in the manifesto he posted just before he began his deadly spree. 鈥淭he system must be reformed so that the father will be awarded custody rights by default.鈥
The manosphere lit up. Said one approving poster at The Spearhead, an online men鈥檚 rights magazine for the 鈥渄efense of ourselves, our families and our fellow men鈥: 鈥淲hat could be more 鈥榓n eye for an eye鈥 than to kill the children of those who were so willing to destroy men鈥檚 families and destroy the homeland of men?鈥
鈥楾he Homeland of Men鈥
The men鈥檚 rights movement, also referred to as the fathers鈥 rights movement, is made up of a number of disparate, often overlapping, types of groups and individuals. Some most certainly do have legitimate grievances, having endured prison, impoverishment or heartrending separations from genuinely loved children.
Jocelyn Crowley, a Rutgers political scientist and the author of Defiant Dads: Fathers鈥 Rights Activists in America, says that most men who join real (as opposed to virtual) men鈥檚 rights groups aren鈥檛 seeking to attack the family court system so much as they are simply struggling to navigate it. What they talk most about when they meet face to face, she says, are strategies to deal with their ex-partners and have better relationships with their children.
But Molly Dragiewicz, a criminologist at the University of Ontario Institute of Technology and the author of Equality With a Vengeance: Men鈥檚 Rights Groups, Battered Women, and Antifeminist Backlash, argues that cases in which fathers are badly treated by courts and other officials are not remotely the norm. The small percentage of divorces that end up in litigation are disproportionately those where abuse and other issues make joint custody a dubious proposition. Even when a woman can satisfactorily document her ex-husband鈥檚 abuse, Dragiewicz says, she is no more likely to receive full custody of her children than if she couldn鈥檛.
The men鈥檚 movement also includes mail-order-bride shoppers, unregenerate batterers, and wannabe pickup artists who are eager to learn the secrets of 鈥済ame鈥濃攖he psychological tricks that supposedly make it easy to seduce women. George Sodini, who confided his seething rage at women to his blog before shooting 12 women, three of them fatally, was one of the latter. Before his 2009 murder spree at a Pittsburgh-area gym, he was a student 鈥 though clearly not a very apt one 鈥 of R. Don Steele, the author of How to Date Young Women: For Men Over 35. 鈥淚 dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne 鈥 yet 30 million women rejected me over an 18 or 25-year period,鈥 Sodini wrote with the kind of pathos presumably typical of Steele鈥檚 readers.
Some take an inordinate interest in extremely young women, or fetishize what they see as the ultra-feminine (read: docile) characteristics of South American and Asian women. Others, who have internalized Christian 鈥渉eadship鈥 doctrine, are desperately seeking the 鈥渟ubmissive鈥 women such doctrine celebrates. Still others are simply sexually awkward, and nonplussed and befuddled by society鈥檚 changing mores. The common denominator is their resentment of feminism and of females in general.
鈥淚t鈥檚 ironic,鈥 the feminist writer Amanda Marcotte observes. 鈥淭hese [misogynist Web] sites owe their existence to feminism鈥檚 successes. At some point in the last couple of years, the zeitgeist hit a tipping point where female power 鈥 Hillary Clinton鈥檚, Rachel Maddow鈥檚, even Sarah Palin鈥檚 鈥 stopped being questioned. Being sexist has become less acceptable than it used to be. This makes some men particularly anxious.鈥 At the same time, of course, domestic violence and sex crimes are much more likely to be prosecuted than they were even a decade ago. Shelters, social services and legal aid are more available to most battered women than in the past.
But some experts argue that men鈥檚 rights groups have been remarkably successful. The groups, says Rita Smith, director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 鈥渉ave taken over the way courts deal with custody issues, particularly when there are allegations of abuse,鈥 largely by convincing them that there is such a thing as 鈥淧arental Alienation Syndrome鈥 (PAS). (PAS is a supposed clinical disorder in which a child compulsively belittles one parent due to indoctrination by the other 鈥 frequently leveling false allegations of abuse. It is not recognized as a clinical disorder by either the American Psychiatric Association or the World Health Organization.) Citing studies that show that false domestic abuse accusations against men are far less common than men鈥檚 groups and PAS enthusiasts claim, Smith says the groups nevertheless have 鈥渂een able to get custody evaluators, mediators, guardians ad litem and child protective service workers to believe that women and children lie about abuse.鈥
Threats and Abuse
One kind of abuse that is undeniable is the vilification of individual women on certain men鈥檚 group websites. The best example of that may be Register-Her, a registry of women who 鈥渉ave caused significant harm to innocent individuals either by the direct action of crimes like rape, assault, child molestation and murder, or by the false accusation of crimes against others.鈥 The site was set up by Paul Elam, the blogger behind A Voice for Men, less than two weeks after Ball鈥檚 suicide. 鈥淚f Mary Jane Rottencrotch decides to falsely accuse her husband of domestic violence in order to get the upper hand in a divorce,鈥 Elam boasted on his Internet radio show, 鈥渨e can publish all her personal information on the website, including her name, address, phone number 鈥 even her routes to and from work.鈥
Under a headline reading, 鈥淲hy are these women not in prison?鈥 the site features photos and information about some 250 alleged malefactors, including notorious women like Lorena Bobbitt and Tonya Harding, although Elam hasn鈥檛 made good on his threat to publish home addresses or phone numbers. Many of those listed received prison sentences for various crimes, but large numbers were acquitted in court, while others were never accused of any lawbreaking. A well-known feminist, for example, is listed for 鈥渁nti-male bigotry,鈥 which is compared to racism.
Elam鈥檚 site can be frightening to its targets. In one case, he offered a cash reward to the first reader to ferret out a pseudonymous feminist blogger鈥檚 real name. In another, Elam singled out a part-time blogger at ChicagoNow who describes herself as a 鈥渧egetarian park activist with two baby girls.鈥 The woman鈥檚 mistake was to write about her discomfort with male adults helping female toddlers in the bathroom at her daughter鈥檚 preschool. The blogger conceded that she was being sexist, but wrote that 鈥淚鈥檇 rather be wrong than find out if I鈥檓 right.鈥
After the woman was listed, she was widely attacked on men鈥檚 movement sites. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 always use the word 鈥榗---鈥 to describe a woman,鈥 one poster raged, 鈥渂ut when I do it鈥檚 because of reasons like these.鈥 Shocked, the 鈥淢ommy blogger鈥 took down her original post and apologized for her 鈥渄emonization of men.鈥
It wasn鈥檛 enough. 鈥淵ou targeted fathers, and just fathers,鈥 Elam rebuked her. 鈥淚t strikes me that you have never really been held to account for any of your actions in life. It is quite likely that the concept of complete, selfless accountability is just completely foreign to you.鈥 Over at the Reddit Mens Rights forum, another poster fumed: 鈥淭his entire episode should be a warning to all those male hating feminists out there who believe that they are safe screaming their hate messages on the web. Finally, they are held accountable for their hate messages and finally the rest of the world will find out exactly what type of depraved people they really are.鈥
鈥淚 don鈥檛 know if Thomas James Ball ever visited this site,鈥 Elam wrote on his blog when he started Register-Her. 鈥淲hat I do believe is, though, that he, if convinced to stay alive, would have been a hell of a soldier in this war.鈥
Soldiers in the War
The first shots in this so-called war on feminism were fired 22 years before Tom Ball鈥檚 suicide. On Dec. 6, 1989, Marc L茅pine, a troubled 25-year-old computer student, strolled into the Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal, Canada, carrying a Ruger Mini-14 semi-automatic rifle and a hunting knife. He walked into a classroom, ordered the men to leave, and lined the women up against a wall.
鈥淚 am fighting feminism,鈥 he announced before opening fire. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e women, you鈥檙e going to be engineers. You鈥檙e all a bunch of feminists. I hate feminists.鈥
By the time he turned the gun on himself, 14 women were dead and 10 were wounded; four men were hurt as well. The suicide note in L茅pine鈥檚 pocket contained a list of 19 鈥渞adical feminists鈥 he hoped to kill, and this: 鈥淚 have decided to send the feminists, who have always ruined my life, to their Maker. 鈥 They want to keep the advantages of women 鈥 while seizing for themselves those of men.鈥
Today, that kind of rage is often directed at all women, not only perceived feminists. 鈥淲omen don鈥檛 need the powers-that-be to get them to hate and use men,鈥 the blogger Alcuin wrote recently. 鈥淭hey have always used men; maybe they have always hated us too.鈥 Added another blogger, Angry Harry: 鈥淭here are now, literally, billions of dollars, numerous empires, and millions of jobs that depend on the public swallowing the idea that women need to be defended from men.鈥
鈥淎 word to the wise,鈥 offered the blogger known as Rebuking Feminism. 鈥淭he animals women have become want one thing, resources and genes. 鈥 See them as the animals they have become and plan 鈥 accordingly.鈥
And many are quick to endorse violence against women. 鈥淭here are women, and plenty of them, for which [sic] a solid ass kicking would be the least they deserve,鈥 Paul Elam wrote in an essay with the provocative title, 鈥淲hen is it OK to Punch Your Wife?鈥 鈥淭he real question here is not whether these women deserve the business end of a right hook, they obviously do, and some of them deserve one hard enough to leave them in an unconscious, innocuous pile on the ground if it serves to protect the innocent from imminent harm. The real question is whether men deserve to be able to physically defend themselves from assault 鈥 from a woman.鈥
For some, it鈥檚 more than just talk. In 2006, Darren Mack, a member of a fathers鈥 rights group in Reno, Nev., stabbed his estranged wife to death and then shot and wounded the family court judge who was handling his divorce.
That kind of violence continues right up to the present.
In Seal Beach, Calif. last Oct. 12, a day after Scott Evans Dekraai and his ex-wife had been in court to fight over custody of their 8-year-old son (Dekraai had 56% custody but wanted full custody and 鈥渇inal decision making authority鈥 on matters of the child鈥檚 education and medical treatment), Dekraai walked into the hair salon where his ex-wife worked armed with three handguns. There, he allegedly shot seven women, six of them fatally; he also is accused of killing two men 鈥 the salon鈥檚 owner, as he attempted to flee, and a man in a car outside.
Michelle Fournier, Dekraai鈥檚 ex-wife, had testified that Dekraai was not taking his bipolar medicine and that he was suicidal and dangerous. If she had survived his rampage, she might have enjoyed having the last word about his propensity for violence. But she did not, becoming instead the latest in a long, sad line of victims of women-hating men.
